Every time i think about a blog i think about the show Awkward LOL matty and jenna and their 2000 teens ass problems
but this isn't gonna be for teenage girls, intentionally witty or funny cause i just wanna talk. I'm 20 and i find young adulthood is a lot different than i thought it'd be. I remember that golden spot in highschool where life was really a fishbowl. Nothing could hurt you cause it never truly HAD. Stealing, drinking, drugs, bad grades,nicotine, late nights all words that 17 year old me romanized, sound like hell only 3 years later.
Even though i don't wanna live that way anymore i'm constantly mourning the girl i used to be. I miss getting tattoos WHEREVER and not thinking about how they would look in a job interview or even the way overspending was the default way to spend as a teenage girl and don't get me wrong bitch i still rassle with the teen in me constantly to keep her from bubbling up but this isn't about that fresh bitch that had me in summer school my junior year (╥_╥) this is about the smokin bitch i'm becoming !
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I thought when i turned 18 the heavens would open up...my mother would magically become the fairy 'good'mother i needed, the elderly would weep ! the blind would see ! i'd somehow learn how to do taxes ! None of this shit happened. I think in a way i put a lot of faith in my mother...definitely too much. I just expected her to assist me in getting older. Part of my young adulthood journey has been realizing it's hard enough being a person without taking care of other little people, and yes i know our parents chose to spread their legs, we didn't ask to be here.
So naturally they should assume responsibility for our upbringing until we're not in their care....but shits way more complicated then i imagined. Everyone's life is as complex as yours and even though we need our parents to be simplified....'Protector' 'Helper' 'Sage' they're just people being alive for the first time like us. Some only 18,20 years apart from us. I was angry when i first graduated cause i expected more from my single mom. I thought she'd sacrifice more or try harder or actively try to assist me in this transitional period but she didn't. My mother was a fly on the wall in my teenage years but i thought when i turned 18 the heavens would open up...blah blah you know the fantasy but just like before it didn't.
She never got off the wall...and only this year (i turned 20 in January) did i realize that there's nothing in life that just happens. The heavens don't just open up unless someone dies, the blind will never see unless they get expensive retinal reconstructive surgery, my mom is not capable of being someone else, i will not ever be a crumb of adult if i keep expecting things from her that she cannot give me.
Weather advice on men or hygiene or finances or waiting for her to help me be a woman when i don't even wanna be the kind of woman she is. I thought when i turned 20 the heavens would open up... but instead my mind opened up ! ٩(ˊᗜˋ )و
P.S - Thank you for reading i love you <3
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