You gotta get your shit together and that's ok

let me start this by saying i love princess carolyn. If you dont know shes from the show Bojack Horseman. If you enjoy dark themes, delicious comedy and deeply human characters you'll love it. Princess Carolyn is my favorite because she reminds me of me & she takes a fucking punch. She struggles and hurts deeply the whole show and you'd never know she's the pillar of support of those around her and is always fucking beaming. Truth be told i haven't been living true to the princess carolyn in me by letting the ghost of my past haunt me so here we go...

YOU NEED TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER !

i feel like my skin is no longer representative of who i am, i have so many tattoos i did high out of my mind or drunk or both in highschool. i know inside that covering and changing tattoos will not make me less afraid to finally begin spinning the wheel of life or less afraid that a wave dissonance will crash through my life again, leaving me stunned underwater and wash everything, every little happiness that which i hold dear far from shore.

i know that...but this is the skin of that whose life was whisked away. who cried with salt in her throat for her feet and life to return to the shore and that’s not who i am anymore. i am steadily wrangling every inkling of self, posesion, and faith slowly rediscovering each person, myself, and everything is back with me.

i am NOT a victim of the tides anymore. i fucking play in this ocean and I dare it to try and drown me bitch i fight water ! so that’s what my goal will be right now, fighting. i am so scared the world will devour me and shit me out homeless, dead or alone but none of that can stop me from living. if it does im not better than people with dead end jobs that ignore thier dreams or people in terrible marriages that ignore that aching loneliness.

So

i am me master of none but one and I am capable of anything.

“as long as i know the shape of my soul ill be alright”